Michael J. Cirafesi

Pop, I'll miss you.


A letter from my grandmother to family and friends:

First I want to thank everyone for the many kindnesses you have shown to me and to my family during this very difficult time.

As you know Mike’s death was very unexpected.  Our family has been devastated.  I know that there are many versions of what caused Mike’s death and today I want to clear that up.

On Palm Sunday, April 17, Mike took his own life. 

At the time of his funeral and services our family was still reeling and grappling with what had happened and we were in no condition to share this information.

I am sharing it with you because you are my friends and because we are a mental health department.  My family and I feel very strongly that this is an opportunity for us to shed some light on suicide and the impact it has not only on the victim but the survivors.

Over 600 people attended Mike’s viewing and funeral and every single person who knew him and saw him every day said the same things about him. He was a ray of sunshine, we loved his smile, the twinkle in his eye, he was the nicest man in the Court House and he will be greatly missed.

His friends at the Court House saw this happy, cheerful person but in the span of two weeks Mike experienced a severe incident of depression.  He immediately saw a doctor and was on medication during that time but unfortunately that wasn’t enough time.

Many people blame the victim and many blame the survivors neither of which are warranted and that only shows how little understanding there is about suicide. In his suffering Mike believed it would be better for his family if he was gone and he worried about his family even in his most troubled moments.

My family and I will never be the same. Our questions will never be answered. We will always wonder if we missed something or if we could have prevented this. How did this person that we loved and knew so well end up feeling this was the only solution.   I am reading a book titled, No Time to Say Goodbye and that says it perfectly.

We were aggressive in getting Mike treatment and there was no indication that he planned to end his life.  I’m no expert and I can only suggest that if someone you love appears to be experiencing a mental health illness, help them seek treatment as quickly as possible.  Please remember that this illness can cause great suffering for the individual and their loved ones.

Thank you